Alhamdulillah, They're Grrrreat!

Muhammad, the cereal rapist.

Judasiscariosaurus

Jesus had a little lamb...

Jesus, Mary and Joseph!

Fun With Numbers #6

Did you know that Samson's shoulders were “60 ells broad” (Sotah 10a). One ell is about equal to a cubit, so let’s see 60 times 18 inches that’s about 90 feet wide. That’s pretty fucking broad!

Did you also know that he was so strong he could “uplift two mountains and rub them together like two clods of earth” (Soṭah 9b). That’s pretty fucking strong!

Fun With Numbers #5

Did you know that King Solomon had seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines (1 Kings 11:3). That's a lot of fucking pussy!

Fun With Numbers #4

Did you know that Methuselah lived to be 969 years old. That's pretty fucking old!

Fun With Numbers #3

The tallest modern structure is the Burj Khalifa in Dubai which is 2,740 feet tall. Did you know that the Tower of Babel was "5,433 cubits and 2 spans" tall (Book of Jubilees). That works out to about 8,150 feet tall. That's pretty fucking tall!

Fun With Numbers #2

Did you know that Noah's Ark contained two of each animal and insect that God had created (along with Noah's family). Scientists estimate that there are approximately 5 million species on earth, so times 2 we have 10 million animals and insects on board. That's a pretty big fucking boat!

Quotable Quotes #2

More practical advice from the Ayatollah:

"A man can marry a girl younger than nine years of age, even if the girl is still a baby being breastfed. A man, however is prohibited from having intercourse with a girl younger than nine, other sexual act such as forplay, rubbing, kissing and sodomy is allowed."
In other words, sodomising infants is no problem.

Cheese Please

Fun With Numbers #1

Did you know that Goliath was "6 cubits and a span" tall (1 Samuel 17:4). Each cubit is about 18 inches, and a span is about 9 inches. That works out to 9 feet 9 inches tall. That's pretty fucking tall!

Quotable Quotes #1

Ayatollah Khomeini, former Supreme Ruler of Iran illuminated us with the following wisdom:"A man can have sex with animals such as sheeps, cows, camels and so on. However, he should kill the animal after he has his orgasm. He should not sell the meat to the people in his own village; however, selling the meat to the next door village should be fine."
Suffices to say that when you're ordering food in Iran make sure you ask which village the meat is from.

der Führer vs der Pope

Sieg Heil?
I've been noticing an awful lot of similarities between these two dudes. Is this just coincidence or…? Hmmm. Perhaps we should examine a little more closely. Let's see…

No.	Führer Adolf Hitler	Pope Benedict XVI
1	Right handed	Right handed
2	Was a Roman Catholic	Is a Roman Catholic
3	Father was a Customs Officer	Father was a Police Officer
4	Served in the 16th Bavarian Reserve Regiment during World War I	Born in Bavaria after World War I
5	Attended Prisoner of War Camp in Traunstein, Germany after World War I	Attended Seminary in Traunstein, Germany after World War II
6	Founder and inspiration for the Hitler Youth	Member of the Hitler Youth (1941-1943)
7	Commander-in-Chief of the Luftwaffe	Served in the Luftwaffe (1943-1945)
8	Provided slave labour to BMW factories	Provided anti-aircraft protection to BMW factory that used slave labour from Dachau concentration camp
9	Ordained Hermann Goring his successor on June 29, 1941	Ordained as a Priest on June 29, 1951
10	Approved Germany's invasion of the Soviet Union	Ordained by Cardinal Michael von Faulhaber who approved of Germany's invasion of the Soviet Union
11	Elected into power by 17 million Germans.	Elected into power by 115 Cardinals
12	Used a swastika cross as the symbol of the Nazi Party	Uses a cross as the symbol of the Roman Catholic Church
13	Autocratic ruler of the Third Reich	Autocratic ruler of the Roman Catholic Church
14	Wrote Mein Kampf where he spoke about the state of Germany in the Post-World War I era	Wrote the Ratzinger Report where he spoke about the state of the Roman Catholic Church in the Post-Vatican II era
15	Favorite Composer was Wagner	Favorite Composer is Mozart
16	Amateur painter	Amateur singer
17	Liked dogs	Likes cats
18	Participated in the Second World War	Participated in the Second World War and the Second Vatican Council
19	Preached intolerance	Preaches intolerance
20	Concerned about the welfare of animals	Concerned about the welfare of animals
21	Unconcerned about the welfare of non-Aryans	Unconcerned about the welfare of non-Catholics
22	Suppressed the rights of women	Suppresses the rights of women
23	Hated Homosexuals	Hates Homosexuals
24	Was an anti-Semite	Is an anti-Semite
25	Declared Jazz to be degenerate music	Declared Rock and Roll to be degenerate music
26	Believed that the verdict against Alfred Dreyfus was rational and just	Believes that the verdict against Galileo Galilei was rational and just
27	Planned to deprive women of the right to vote	Planned to deprive Italians of the right to vote for stem cell research
28	Title was Fuhrer or leader of the Fatherland	Title is Pope or father of the Church.
29	Believed he was an infallible leader	Believes he is an infallible leader
30	Used an armoured Mercedes-Benz Limousine	Uses an armoured Mercedes-Benz Popemoble
31	Associated atheism with communism	Associates atheism with communism
32	Predicted that Communism would replace the Axis Powers as the main enemy of the Allied Powers	Predicted that Buddhism would replace Communism as the main enemy of the Catholic Church
33	Opposed birth control, abortion, and homosexuality	Opposes birth control, abortion, and homosexuality
34	Supported abortion or euthanasia of non-Aryans	Denied Holy Communion to those who supported abortion or euthanasia
35	His soldiers sexually abused prisoners	His Priests sexually abused parishioners
36	Executed those who did not recognize his leadership	Excommunicated those who did not recognize his leadership
37	Used State apparatus to steal wealth from subjugated people	Used Church apparatus to steal wealth from supplicant people
38	Opposed Turkey joining the Allied Powers	Opposes Turkey joining the European Union
39	Liked to place the bodies of Jews in to ovens	Likes to place the body of Christ in to mouths
40	Liked to torture people to hear confessions	Liked to torture people to hear confessions
41	Brainwashing, bullying and intimidation were principal tools of his organisation	Brainwashing, bullying and intimidation are principal tools of his organisation
42	Ruled his people through terrorizing them	Rules his people through terrorizing them
43	Believed that Harry S. Truman was evil	Believes that Harry Potter is evil
44	Predecessor was flagellated and then assassinated by him	Predecessor flagellated himself
45	Liked to wear a red arm band	Likes to wear a red hat
46	Girlfriend liked to wear red shoes	Likes to wear red shoes
47	Suppressed homosexual impulses	Likely suppresses homosexual impulses
48	Suppressed Final Solution allegations	Suppressed child molestation allegations
49	Commander-in-Chief of the Schutzstaffel (SS) whose job it was to suppress Jews, homosexuality, etc.	Formerly Prefect of the Congregation for the Doctrine of Faith whose job it is to suppress heresy, homosexuality, etc.
50	Contributed to killing 2 million Jews per year during World War II	Contributes to killing 2 million AIDS victims per year

Inaugural Post

Hi Folks,
And in the beginning…Mr. Apostate created his blog. This blog is intended to expose the fallacy, inanity and hypocrisy of religion. It is not meant to mean, vindictive or retaliatory; I'll let religion take care of those. Instead it is meant to be satirical, provide parody and humour, and perhaps open a few eyes.
Hope you enjoy.